I don’t mean by religion, politics or cults. I mean … are you brainwashed by your own conditioned mind? Does your own distorted thinking control the choices you make, the actions you take, the way you live?
From birth through adolescence our brains exist in theta and alpha states. This means we don’t have the developmental capacity to analyze or process our experiences. We simply take them in. If mommy or daddy is having a bad day and they are yelling at us, we perceive it is somehow our fault. Completely dependent on our caretakers, we can’t separate our reality from theirs. Even if a child has a healthy and loving home environment, they are exposed to all kinds of experiences beyond their control as they move out into the world in school and activities.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.
This may be true for adults … but it’s certainly not the reality for children.
I’ve been teaching voice lessons for over 35 years. I can tell in a student’s first lesson if they were told by someone (a sibling, parent, choir director, friend, etc) that they can’t or shouldn’t sing. It often stays with them their entire life. There is a shyness, a noticeable hesitancy and holding back, a buried sense of shame for them to have their voices be heard. And this can go beyond singing. Yet their soul longs to sing, and finally they summon the courage to call me and begin the journey to free their voice and become more fully self-expressed in life.
One of my former students who I’ll call Sean, was in his early 20’s, attending college and playing guitar in a band with 2 friends. He was living home with his parents while undergoing treatments for several years for cancer in his hip. At his first lesson he sang some scales for me so I could assess his vocal instrument. He had a challenging time hearing and matching pitches with his voice. I asked if anyone ever told him he couldn’t sing. He said no. At his 2nd lesson he came in looking more relaxed as he recounted how in 3rd grade he auditioned for school choir and was certain he’d make the cut. His best friend did. But Sean didn’t. He was secretly devastated, but swallowed it down, concluding that he must not be a good enough singer.
He lived the next dozen years believing this was the truth, hiding his feelings of defeat and shame, both from himself and the world.
Sean took about 2 lessons a month with me, for 1-2 years, between hip treatments. In that time he drastically improved his voice and was able to sing 3-4 songs really well. He kept his lessons a secret from his bandmates and even his family until one day he was finally ready to sing Falling Slowly for his family in their living room. It may as well have been Madison Square Garden, that’s how much it meant to Sean. I can’t hear that song without losing it. There was something profoundly beautiful that came through his voice. I would often choke back tears during his voice lessons, because his soul always moved me through his singing. He wasn’t perfect. He was just gut wrenching real. I’d been waiting for Sean to call and book his next lesson with me, but that day never came. Remembering him now, singing through his shyness every time, brings the tears again. What a blessing it was to help him heal that old wound and earn that victory in his short but meaningful lifetime.
We’ve been told so many untruths from the time we were born – by family members, peers, authority figures, politicians, society. The reality is, we agree with some of them and disagree with others.
It is our own ability and willingness to discern what is real from what is not real, that determines what we believe is true.
It doesn’t even really matter where these ideas or thoughts originated. The fact that we agreed to them and drew those un-examined conclusions about ourselves, other people, life, the world … is what keeps us holding those beliefs in our minds and living as if they’re written-in-stone-facts. We then develop survival strategies and ideals to compensate for these beliefs (ie – if someone believes they are stupid, they may get all kinds of degrees and letters after their names, or become a know-it-all, or work overtime to be the clever one in the room at all times) or to hide them from ourselves (because they feel so uncomfortable) or others to pretend or prove it ain’t so. Or when the things we want and the things we believe (about ourselves, others, or life) seem mutually exclusive or conflicting, we often reach a compromise by lowering our vision or caving in to our concepts of self-doubt and limited potential, with a why even bother attitude.
It’s as if we are brainwashed by our own conditioned mind … the mind that we formed from conclusions we made as a 2-year old … 4-year-old … 8-year-old … 12-year-old …
We are still making life decisions based on these conclusions and ideas!!! Would you hand your car keys over to a 4-year-old or 8-year-old and ask them to drive you home in your own car??? Yet that’s exactly what we are doing, day after day, when we allow our old thought patterns and survival strategies to be the basis of our discernment and decision making!
We give our old limited survival brain all the power to decide our future! Just like someone who actually is brainwashed by a cult experience.
The way out of this pattern is to see it for what it is – a pattern based on conditioned thinking. And to unlearn these beliefs and concepts as your truth. And to practice seeing REALITY exactly as it is. Whether you are fond of your reality or not.
Most people don’t really like reality or our inability to control the world we live in. And so it takes a real fundamental decision to shift – from orienting and living in our conditioned mind of concepts – to – orienting and living in reality.
When we are creating the life we want … reality matters!!! Life is created in reality. Otherwise ‘life’ is just ideas in our heads. Fantasy. Pie-in-the-sky. Wishful thinking. Do you believe everything you see? Everything you read?? Everything you hear???
Don’t be brainwashed by everything you think!
I offer private coaching and courses that help you discern your concepts about yourself, other people, the world … and free you up to create the things that truly matter to you, the life you dream of. Reach out to me for more information.